High School Senior Jacob Rudolph Comes Out: Do I Care?

Screenshot via the video Jonathan Rudolph posted on Youtube (link in post.)

If this happened in my high school, I’d probably politely clap and continue reading my novel observing the award ceremony.

No, really. The Yahoo! article about Mr. Jacob Rudolph reminds me of that article I read about the professional bowler who kissed his husband. There are more important happenings in our country and in the world – Morocco’s adjustment of its rape marriage law, North Korea’s promise to nuke the United States, and the horrible living conditions in Mali to name a few. I think that most of us can agree that there are bigger events that deserve the media’s attention, widespread occurrences that directly affect a larger amount of people.

But keep in mind that gays have gone through so much.

Between Mom and Jo by Julie Anne Peters

Cover via Goodreads.

Rating: 4/5 stars.

Although my parents are heterosexual, Between Mom and Jo still spoke to me personally. As someone who wishes to have children with a male partner one day, it was saddening to read about how Nick had to put up with the taunting and teasing of his peers.

Looking at it positively, at least he had two loving parents who supported him through it. All his life, he’s known Mom and Jo would be there for him. They’ve gone through tough times together, battling alcoholism, cancer, and death. Which makes it that much worse when Mom and Jo start having marital problems and Nick’s left with no one to turn to. How can he choose between the two people in his life whom he cares about the most?

Saying Yes

It’s 11:00 PM, and my blood boils.

“It’s just so stupid!” I hiss into my cell phone.

“Thomas, it’s not like they’re anti-gay themselves just because they’re selling food from Chick-fil-A,” she says.

I feel a poison settle in my soul, and a weight that won’t lift for the remainder of the night. I want to do something, anything that will appease my moral appetite – anything that I think will set right what is so horribly wrong.

“Obviously they’re not anti-gay,” I say,” but they’re knowingly endorsing a chain that is! Everyone knows about Chick-fil-A, and they clearly had other options – they just wanted to sell what would profit the most, even if it meant giving money to the people who are against me.”

Does Being Gay Matter?

An eight-year-old girl approaches her dad on Father’s Day.

The little girl noticed her father glowing with happiness and asked,” Daddy, do you feel special?”

“Of course I do, sweetheart,” he answered,” you and your mother have made this the best day of my life!”

“Why don’t I get a special day?” his daughter said. “I want to be special too!”

“You don’t need one,” he replied,” you’re awesome and special every day!”

“Oh,” the girl said,” but why do gay people have a special day? How are they different from the rest of us?”

“You see, honey, society has manufactured a stigma against gays based solely on their sexuality. It doesn’t matter if they’re nice, or smart, or funny. They’re homosexual! Therefore, they must be treated with intolerance and given a special day for them to be accepted.”

“…”

It's funny because it's true.

Let me make it clear that I love gay people. I support them, I accept them, I give them hugs, you name it. In fact, I treat them pretty much like I treat everyone else. I think you should, too.

Okay, I get it. National Coming Out Day is important because it allows hidden homosexuals to reveal their true selves and come out of the closet. But does anyone else find it just a little sad that National Coming Out Day even has to exist for people to appreciate each other for who they are? I mean, why hasn’t anyone made a “Let’s Accept Everyone For Who They Are Because That Would Be So Much Better” day?

It’s not really the day itself that annoys me, rather the reasoning behind it – I intensely dislike how society has painted the image of homosexuality in such ostentatious colors. What makes gay people so different from straight people besides their sexuality? Gay people pay taxes, lose jobs, experience heartbreak… heck, gay people get cancer.

One may argue that suffering through these ordeals strengthens gay people, but at what cost? Torture? Suicide? It’s just so frustrating. If we were to live in a perfect world, peoples’ perception of gays would be of equality, not of disparity.

Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson, two gay characters in the popular television show "Glee".

Harvey Milk once said, “I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living.” I have hope for homosexual equality in our generation and in generations to come. Despite the shortcomings that still occur when it comes to preventing hate crimes and bullying, we have never been as tolerant as we are now concerning gay people.

My close friend and I were discussing the hit television show “Glee”. I’ve never watched it, yet I had heard that it involved two openly gay guys engaged in a relationship, which caused me to Google them and stalk them become curious. I asked my friend about them and she said the most fantastic thing ever. This isn’t an exact quote, though she said some thing along the lines of “it isn’t even about their gender, it’s about who they are as people.”

Now I’m sure that my friend had already come to that realization before watching “Glee”, but the amazing aspect (besides how awesome she is) is that there are more people promoting GLBT equality than ever before. We see it in shows like “Glee”, with celebrities like Lady Gaga, in books like What They Always Tell Us by Martin Wilson or The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare, and through everyday people via the It Gets Better project. And I suppose National Coming Out Day helps too.

So to answer the question “does being gay matter?”, I’d say it does and it doesn’t. While it’s unfortunate that people place an issue as minute as whether one should be able to marry who they love regardless of their gender on the same political pedestal as the morality of capital punishment or the failing economy, for the time being sexual orientation plays a part in your place in society. Despite that, being gay doesn’t negatively affect anything about you yourself – it doesn’t make you a bad person, it shouldn’t stop you from loving “the one”, and it can’t cause you to become cruel and vengeful on the inside.

Yes, you will face more struggles if you are gay than if you are straight. However, if we continue to fight for what is necessary – the rights that all humans deserve to have – one day people will look at back and think “dang, I cannot believe how ignorant we were. I am so glad we’ve learned from our mistakes.” Imagine Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and the African-American Civil Rights Movement. What they accomplished required a tremendous about of tenacity and hard work. What they accomplished was worth it.

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On a less serious note, I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! I apologize for the slight variance of tone in this post. I started it one day and came back to it the next with a slightly changed mindset, but, at least I got a lot of thinking done! Before I forget, shout-out to mutated-kitty for proving to me that finding the distance a flying projectile will help me as an English major and for being one of my most appreciated readers (no, really, you rock). Also, here’s an interesting post from one of my friends on Twitter about gay marriage and The Scarlet Letter.

This turned out to be a pretty rant/train-of-thought style post. Still, it’s probably better than a post about how I found the courage to pick up that dead cricket off the bathroom floor… I didn’t make up that friend I mentioned, I swear.

What are your thoughts on homosexuality and gay rights? This subject and my readers’ thoughts always pique my interest, so please don’t hesitate to state your opinion, even if you disagree with what I’ve said!

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

You cannot imagine the suspicion caused by this cover... Cover via Goodreads.

Rating: 5/5 stars.

I wish I had enough money to buy every girl attending my high school a copy of Beauty Queens. Actually, I wish I had enough money to buy every girl from the age of 15 to 21 a copy of this book. I bow down to Libba Bray for pulling off such a crazy concept – a plane of beauty pageant contestants crash on an island – when it could have gone horribly wrong in the hands of a less competent author.

On the outside, Beauty Queens is about an ensemble of shallow, teenaged girls surviving on an island. But, just like the girls themselves, it offers much more. Bray tackles a wide array of tough subjects like male vs. female double standards and GLBT tolerance with skillful satire and impressive honesty.

Some books you read in silence. Beauty Queens isn’t one of those books. Libba Bray holds nothing back in her upbraiding of the superficial nature of society, yet it never gets overwhelming – the humor in this book is wonderfully witty and refreshing. I laughed out loud so many times I regret not buying a copy so I could note when the funniest moments took place. Almost every other page contained a joke or wisecrack that made me smile, like when one contestant states the importance of aiding non-Americans after being asked her favorite color.

I probably haven’t done this book justice, so I’ll just tell you to go out and get a copy to read. ASAP. I had my doubts after reading and disliking Going Bovine by Bray, but Beauty Queens has placed her on my list of authors to watch out for. Definitely recommended.

It Gets Better by Dan Savage and Terry Miller

Cover via Goodreads.

Rating: 4/5 stars.

The fact that this book exists makes me happy. It really does.

I know so many people who wish that there had been a book like It Gets Better when they were a teenager. Not just people who contributed to this book itself, but people I talk to in real life. Better late than never, right?

This book fulfills its purpose perfectly, as I am 100% convinced that it will, and it does, get better. While not superb in its structuring – there is a bit of redundancy and some of the stories are on the weaker side writing-wise – GLBT teenagers will easily relate to the trials and tribulations of growing up faced by the past generation.

I am forever grateful to Dan Savage and Terry Miller for editing this book and creating the inspiring and amazing It Gets Better Project. I hope one day as an adult to make a video myself and also write a book that will help the fight for GLBT rights.

With or Without You by Brian Farrey

Cover via Goodreads

Rating: 4.5/5 stars.

Evan and Davis have been best friends since the third grade. They share many things: their sexuality, beatings from bullies, and a desire to escape their lonely little town of Madison, Wisconsin. In fact, they both plan to attend the University of Chicago this upcoming fall. However, Evan has one thing Davis doesn’t – a comforting and reliable boyfriend named Erik. Evan has successfully kept Erik a secret from his friends and his family for quite some time, but when Davis gets recruited to join the Chasers and pulls Evan along with him, Evan’s relationships take a turn for the worse.

I’ll focus on the good things first. I loved the characters and the writing. Evan and Erik’s relationship was real and compassionate. It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t awkward and clumsy either. Though I disliked Davis, I liked how Brian Farrey kept his and Evan’s friendship a prominent part of the story without making it more than that. The writing didn’t amaze me, but it added a nice touch to the plot and there were some lines I wanted to write down and save for later.

There was one plot element I wanted to change, but it occurred later in the story and I don’t want to spoil it. This added element detracted from my enjoyment of the story as a whole. The ambiguity of the ending annoyed me initially, but as I thought about it more I realized it worked for the book.

Overall, a solid read. One of the best books with gay characters I’ve read in awhile.

What They Always Tell Us by Martin Wilson

Cover via Goodreads

Rating: 5/5 stars.

What They Always Tell Us is about two brothers, James and Alex, who are unlike each other in many ways – James is outgoing and popular, while Alex is compassionate and reserved. After Alex attempts to take his life at a party, James is left wondering what went wrong. Then, Alex meets James’s friend Nathan, and the two form a friendship that could grown into something more.

This book is simple and stunning. As of May 2011, even after two years, it remains one of the best books I’ve ever read and my favorite young-adult novel that includes gay characters. The writing moved me to tears at one point – every time I pick up another book for teens with glbt themes I can’t help but think I hope this is as good as What They Always Tell Us…

Not only did this novel provide a great read, it also helped me with personal struggles in my life. I am forever grateful to Barnes and Nobles, where this book happened to be on display as I walked by the young-adult section, and Martin Wilson, for writing such a quiet, uplifting story.

(read around January 2009, review updated May 2011)

That’s So Gay

I’ve thought about writing this for a long time. Waiting for the right words to magically appear in my mind, hesitating because I didn’t want to post something so sensitive without the eloquence required. I realized, however, that there are many ways to spin something like why the phrase “That’s So Gay” is so, so wrong.

I hear the word gay misused on a daily basis. Here is the definition, taken from dictionary.com…

Gay (adjective): 1) having or showing a merry, lively mood… 2) bright or showy… 3) given to or abounding in social or other pleasures… 4) homosexual… 5) of indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues.

Here are some times I have heard the saying “that’s so gay”:
- Someone hits a tennis ball long, resulting in that person losing the point. “That’s so gay!”
- Someone receives a poor score on a test. “That’s so gay!”
- Someone loses their keys. “That’s so gay!”
- Someone is teased and in an attempt to recover, replies, “You’re so gay!”

None of the examples listed above actually pertains to the definition of the word gay – in fact, it is slander to those of the gay community. Gay people don’t make you lose your keys or mess up your tennis shot, that’s your own fault.

As a teenager who is enrolled in a public high school, I tend to hear words like “gay” and “retarded” thrown around a lot. Something one of my teachers said really struck a chord with me in this regard – he said that people who curse and use foul language only do so because they lack the intellect and knowledge to properly express their emotions.

It’s not like I have a huge grudge against those who use the word gay incorrectly. I even have acquaintances that do so. It just pains me that people say the word “gay” when what they really mean is “annoying” or “wrong”.

And I don’t think that people who say the phrase “that’s so gay” hate gays – maybe a few – but the majority probably just lack the compassion to say something less cruel, or have become so accustomed to saying it just because their friends and family do.

What I’m trying to say is this: how would you feel if someone targeted your sexuality or ethnicity in a negative way, even if it made no sense at all? What if someone said “that’s so heterosexual” after breaking their headphones, or “that’s so straight” because of an unfair grounding? What about “that’s so Asian”, “that’s so African-American”, “that’s so Caucasian”?

What about “that’s so human?”

Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult

Cover via Goodreads

Rating: 5/5 stars.

Sing You Home is my new favorite novel by Jodi Picoult, and as of now (mid-March, 2011) my favorite book of the year.

There are so many things I wish I could say coherently about this book. I was at a loss of words when I finished it three hours ago, and I still am speechless. But I want to write this review while the emotions it evoked are still at their strongest.

The writing was superb as always. Picoult doesn’t use a lot of “SAT” vocabulary, or extremely complex sentence structure, but the way she engages readers with detail and finesse is extraordinary. I am always tempted to read just a single page more, then just one chapter more, until I’ve gone through the entire 400+ page book. I even forgot to put this on my to-read shelf on Goodreads.

Picoult’s characters are splendid – by the middle of the book I was immersed in Zoe’s yearning for children and Max’s difficulty with alcohol abuse, and I felt like they were real, breathing people. Vanessa’s no-nonsense attitude I admired, and side characters like Dara and Lucy I came to love as well.

The element that really made me appreciate this novel was Picoult’s take on gay marriage, and homosexual inequality in contemporary society. I cannot adequately state how inspiring this book was to me in that regard. Here is one of the many powerful quotes that I had to stop and re-read (I even put this in my favorite quotes section on Facebook)…

“I remember my mother telling me that, when she was a little girl in Catholic school, the nuns used to hit her left hand every time she wrote with it. Nowadays, if a teacher did that, she’d probably be arrested for child abuse. The optimist in me wants to believe sexuality will eventually become like handwriting: there’s no right way or wrong way to do it. We’re all just wired differently.

It’s also worth nothing that, when you meet someone, you never bother to ask if he’s right- or left- handed.

After all: Does it really matter to anyone other than the person holding the pen?”

Beautiful.