With my move-in date for college in less than a week, I doubt I’d get to meet many older men – but if I could, would I? Several times when age-gap relationships come up, people automatically react with comments like “oh, that’s so gross” or “what a pedophile.” I don’t support relationships in which one person takes advantage of another, but in terms of mutually consensual relationships in which the partners have a considerable age difference, whose place is it to discriminate? Continue reading
Tag Archives: relationships
Floss, Latin textbook, ratty T-shirt, notebook. As I threw these things into my suitcase, I wondered whether I would survive that day.
I ran out of my house. Wearing shorts and a thin jacket, the cold cut at me even though the sun still shone. Shouldering my backpack and holding my suitcase in both arms, I felt like a fictional character, running away from home. Except this time everything was real.
I made it a few blocks down until I saw her car approach me. Contemplating whether or not to make a run for it, I knew I wouldn’t escape – no mile time was fast enough to outpace an angry mother. Her beige car pulled up alongside the road, and she lowered her window to yell at me.
“Get back in the house, now!” my mother screamed.
Minutes before, she had threatened to kill me. Inside my house, she had started one of her angry outbursts, but it felt more dangerous than all of the other ones. In that moment, standing on the sidewalk of the road, heart racing, I defied my mother for the first time. Continue reading
Rating: 5/5 stars.
3 STEPS TO BECOME ME, THOMAS:
1. Obtain a copy of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe.
2. Read the book.
3. Fall in love. Fall in love with the writing, the characters, everything. Read past midnight, read in school, read everywhere and all the time. Slam the book shut and whisper-scream oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. At the end of the book, allow a single tear to run down your right cheek and say a silent prayer of thanks for the fact that you are able to read at all.
Perhaps I’m making this book seem more dramatic than it actually is. Continue reading
I don’t mention it often on this blog, but I have a brother. The thought of having any sort of bond with him besides a brotherly one disturbs me – I would rather watch a kitten get shot. Okay, maybe not the most pleasant hypothetical situation, but I think you get my point.
Here’s a question I’ve thought about ever since reading Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma: is consensual incest between adults wrong? I understand that genetically it can lead to abnormalities and illnesses, and I’m confident that no one would wish any harm upon his or her child. But we allow people who have a higher probability of producing children with birth defects to reproduce, so logically, why are we banning brothers and sisters from doing so?
Furthermore, as a firm supporter of interracial relationships and homosexual equality, I find it hypocritical to condemn two consenting adults for loving one another. Continue reading
Rating: 3/5 stars.
I really wanted to love this book. I moved heaven and earth to find it. Well, not really – I searched all of my local libraries, and the nearby bookstores. I couldn’t buy it on Amazon in case my mom got to it before I did. I resorted to ordering it through Barnes & Noble, and I’m still not sure why Don’t Let Me Go was so difficult to obtain.
It’s like gay chick-lit, but better. The story revolves around Nate Schaper, a high school senior who has already found his soul mate. Nate and Adam are inseparable, bonded by true love that has survived huge amounts of homophobia – even a heinous hate crime. But when Adam graduates and gets an acting job in New York, their relationship is put to the ultimate test. Continue reading
As requested by an individual who commented on this blog, here is a post dedicated to answering the question: should I, or should I not come out? Before I begin, let me make it clear – just because I am gay does not mean I can control what other gay people do, or the outcomes of their actions. This is simply my two cents on the somewhat sensitive subject matter. Heck, if you’re straight, you should try coming out too! You might earn a few blank stares, but at least it won’t be because you’re so ugly you turn people to stone
like me. In fact, I think it is a worthy endeavor, because you would be forcing yourself into the shoes of those who have to announce their sexualities.
Let me reiterate that this is an umbrella post designed to give a general idea of whether one should come out or not. There are many factors that play into a decision like this, even if the decision shouldn’t be a big one at all. Please don’t hesitate to comment or message me with individual concerns or questions, or to suggest that I write about anything else – related to homosexuality or unrelated to homosexuality.
An easy way to structure this would be to split up my post into pros and cons. I’ll start with the cons, because everyone knows that seeing the rainbow is worth standing in the rain. Continue reading
My mother has always spewed venom at me. Barbed words that wither my soul, sharp insults that dampen my spirit, and putdowns that have perforated my self-esteem. Of course she has supplied me with many opportunities which I am grateful for, but overall, I cannot say that she has served as a shining example of the type of person, or parent, I strive to be.
She and I have a toxic relationship. When we’re together, the air is thick with tension, as I wait for her to send some stinging comment my way. I’m always on edge, my mind a mix of worry and fear and panic. I don’t dare speak, as anything I say could be used against me. I manipulate my posture perfectly so she doesn’t accuse me of standing up too straight or slouching. I think of the future, of what life will be like when I am free from the confines of this curse. Continue reading
Last week, I made a mistake. I judged someone.
And I was wrong about them.
I like to think that I know people. I like to think that I am aware of people’s personalities, their desires, their strengths and their shortcomings. To an extent, I am – not in a creepy way, but in a cognizant, perceptive way. While I don’t think that I am by any means a mind reader, I feel that I possess some level of interpersonal intelligence, just like most people do.
On the other hand, I know that I have good morals. It’s one of the few things I will admit about myself confidently – there is nothing that upsets me more than when someone violates my strict mental set of morals. Incidentally, I have been wanting to write a blog post about cheating, because it has been occurring often in my school and in my class. Just wait until I write that post to see how frustrated cheating causes me to become.
So imagine my surprise when someone who I thought had good morals, someone who I was not exactly close to, but at least an acquaintance with, was caught cheating. Continue reading
Maybe it’s just because I’ve always been attracted to the nice guy, but I cannot see why anyone would like a bad boy.
Actually, I can see why. Bad boys, at least the ones portrayed in pop culture, do possess some admirable qualities. They’re often confident, charismatic, and cool under pressure. Their
stupid spontaneous behavior makes them thrilling and unpredictable, thus, exciting to be around. Besides, it’s not like we can control who we fall in love with.
However, I think some
shallow people individuals underestimate the potential danger of being in a relationship with a bad boy. They are, you know, bad. Slick leather and sexy sunglasses can’t cover up irresponsibility, unfaithfulness, and inconsideration. I think that 95% of the time when girls and guys say they’re attracted to bad boys, they’re really saying that they’re attracted to the bad boy concept (or, image), not the bad boy himself. I mean, how could anyone possibly want to be with a scumbag cheater?
I’ve never encountered a bad boy like the ones shown in books and TV shows – I guess I should be thankful for that, but I doubt anyone could perfectly perpetuate such an image. When I think of a bad boy, I think of someone who is unreliable and doesn’t care about their girlfriend or boyfriend’s feelings. AKA, someone who’s not worth your time.
Are you a fan of bad boys? If so, what aspect of their personality/image are you attracted to? What do you think of when you hear the term “bad boy”?
Sometimes, I’m a cynic. My belief in the inevitable failure of 95% of high school relationships to last until marriage exemplifies this.
The majority of high school students want to fit in. It’s human nature – at this adolescent stage of life, fitting in is as important as getting good grades or scoring high on the SAT. Even more important, to some. I don’t believe in the stereotypical groups presented in television shows: the jocks, the preps, the goths, loners, nerds, etc. However, I do think that there are variances to those archetypes that accumulate in what I like to call the “high school caste system”. More about that in a future post.
So what does fitting in have to do with relationships? It’s simple – if you’re in a relationship, you fit in, but you don’t try to fit in. It’s killing two birds with one stone. The typical teen will assume that their boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t care about looks, or what other people think, and my personal favorite – loves them for who they are. So the individual in the relationship will assume that they’re free from their peers’ expectations, but they’re actually falling right into them. Just look at television shows like Degrassi or Glee or Smallville. All of these feature teens in unrealistically happy relationships – but then again, it’s reality television: where reality is equal to exorbitant drama and partying on the beaches of Jersey Shore.
Another reason high school relationships fail is due to the fact that to the people who are in them: teenagers. This is probably going to earn me criticism from my peers, but honestly, we are not the most mature bunch. Some of us, anyway. I’ve separated the people in high school relationships into three categories (inspired by my brilliant Latin teacher):
Those who care about themselves intentionally: These are the people who date because they want the relationship, not the other person in the relationship. I see this more than I would like to, but in a myriad of cases the feeling is mutual among the participants of the “relationship”. 0% of these relationships survive, because essentially, they aren’t relationships to begin with.
Those who care about themselves unintentionally: This is a difficult category. Here’s how my Latin teacher explained it: imagine two people dating. They’re going to be Joe and Janice.
Joe: Oh Janice, I love the way you make me feel! You make me so happy!
Janice: Oh Joe, all those sweet things you say to me and the gifts you buy me make me just want to die! (of happiness, I guess)
Notice how prominent “me” is. I obviously exaggerated this to prove my point, but in a lot of relationships – not just those found in high school – person A will claim to care about person B, but in fact person A only cares about person B because they’re trying to satisfy themselves. Think about it.
Those who care about the other person: This is where I make myself doubt that even 5% of high school relationships truly succeed, because getting to this level of trust with another person is impossible until one possesses significant maturity and independence. This group is reserved for the love between parent and child, sibling and sibling, and other rare circumstances – imagine how much time you would have to spend with a person until you could achieve that with them. Certainly more than four years. To love someone to the point where you would sacrifice your own well-being, truly sacrifice it, not just “I would catch a grenade for ya” sacrifice, but promising eternal faithfulness and unconditional understanding – that is the zenith of a relationship.
Thinking about that hurt my head a little, so I’ll move on to other more simple reasons why these relationships don’t last:
Sex. Violence. Drinking. All of those detract from the depth of a relationship, and because those things are so prevalent in high school, they decrease the amount of successful relationships. Not to mention college – I might write a post later on about why long distance relationships fail, if I have time. Basically, you can promise your significant other that you’ll love them even when you’re miles, countries, or worlds apart – but it’s easier said than done.
Teenagers also tend to think that their boyfriends and girlfriends are better than they actually are, or over analyze the emotions involved in the relationship, instead of actually, well, dating. This quote explains what I’m trying to say:
“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” – Leo F. Buscaglia.
Well, that was fun. Maybe I should start a series called “Sunday Morning Cynicism.”
I want to end this delightful post by saying that I do not intend to offend anyone – I have several friends in relationships and wish them the best. This is just my personal opinion, and others are free to argue. I hope they argue, actually, because if not the world would be depressing. I consider myself a romantic person, and yet here I go writing this…
what a two-faced freak.