Chick-fil-A, and A Million Little Paper Cuts

The night before I left for my cruise, I briefly checked the internet. I did it for a friend. Then, I saw this.

Chick-fil-A lost a lot of respect points on August 1. Actually, no. They lost all of them. Image via dailykos.com

Like I’ve said before, I dislike anger. Like every emotion, it has its pros and its cons, its uses and its pitfalls. But anger, because of my life experiences, I have come to abhor.

Chick-fil-A made me so angry. For a good hour, I sat in my hotel room and tried to tame the typhoon of rage roaring inside my head – but to no avail. So, on the night of August 1, 2012, I wrote this.

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I wonder if this is how my mother feels, when her anger entrenches her entirely, and blows her reasoning to bits.

Everyone has the right to express their opinion. It’s in the Constitution. I could say I’m against blacks, even though I’m not. Chick-fil-A can say it’s against gays, even though it shouldn’t.

I’m tempted to utilize logic right now. But everyone knows the logic behind this issue. Having gay parents has absolutely no effect on a child. Gay marriage clearly doesn’t hurt the institution, when straight couples are getting divorced faster than you can say “hypocrisy.” Even Christianity, a religion I am not too familiar with, preaches compassion for all human beings (for more on that, read this post).

The facts have been noted. Now here’s how I really feel.

“It’s not like a stab wound you can protect me from,” Alec Lightwood says to his sister, Isabelle,” it’s a million little paper cuts every day.”

He’s talking about how it feels like to be gay in contemporary society. And he’s right. As I told one of my friends, when I read that passage, I sat down and stared into space for a solid five minutes, reflecting on its truth.

A common phrase people use is “I know how you feel.” While it i a kind thing to say, and I have nothing against it, in some scenarios it can be seen as a shortsighted and overly vague term.

Let’s say your dog passed away. And someone said “I know how you feel” to you. Sure, their pet may have passed away in the past – perhaps it was a dog as well. But do they really know how you feel? Do they share every good memory that you shared with your dog, every memory that you will cherish as you count your days without him?

It’s like that with being gay. Yes, people may sympathize with us – empathize, even – but no one will know our exact struggles. Even gays cannot perfectly, 100% know what other gays have gone through. It’s because we have a million little paper cuts. A million. With that many, no one will have the exact same wounds – we’ll all have paper cuts in different places on our hearts, and of varying depths. Now that I think about it, this can be said about everyone, straight or gay. It’s all about hurt and healing and society and to put it blatantly, the process is a painful one.

Yes, I’m gay, and yes, it hurts some times. Yes, it hurts when you realize people who were your friends suddenly hate you because of our sexuality, something that doesn’t really matter. Yes, it hurts when my aunt always asks me “when will you get a girlfriend!? I hope she’s pretty!” as if she cannot fathom me falling in love with a man, as if getting a girlfriend is the zenith of her hopes for me. Yes, it hurts when you have to hide something that could get you killed by some homophobic bigot.

But, you know what? It also hurts to have to accept my mother’s conditional affection for me, and to have a sick grandmother who can barely walk. And I’m sure there are other gay people who have to put up with cancer and poverty and other things on top of the blows being dealt to them by society.

Thank you, to everyone who supports gays. I know I stated that it’s impossible to perfectly relate to someone else (as in, knowing exactly what they’ve gone through and how they felt) but it’s the effort that counts. It’s a cliche saying, but in this case, it is. Thank you, really, to everyone who supports love of their fellow human beings. Because you are the people lightening the load for me, and for others. There is so much hate and disease and suffering in this world, and love is the light that gives us hope.

Finally, Chick-fil-A, and all of the conservative groups you give money to? I’m going to go take a shower, get up in the morning, and enjoy my cruise. Because several years from now – maybe 100, 150, or 200+, when I’m dead and gone, your name will be in the textbooks. Your name will be the symbol of our society’s hate, bigotry, and ignorance.

I hope my grandchildren laugh at you.

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Yes, to anyone who was wondering, that made me feel a lot better. Thoughts? Agree or disagree? Even if you disagree, please don’t hesitate to share your opinion – like I said, everyone has the right to be heard. Now that I’m back from my cruise, I’m focusing on getting ready for the school year by finishing my summer homework and starting college applications. Wish me luck!