Finding Funny

Today, I was accused of sleeping with a female friend.

Today, also, I had a friend come to my house for the first time in about four years.

It felt so strange when she entered the front door. To see a living, breathing, friend step foot into where I reside. The last time I had a friend over was in middle school, and that had ended badly. He had touched and repositioned a globe precious to my mom, and she yelled at him right in front of me. Needless to say, that experience scarred me for quite some time and left me hesitant to have anyone over.

We both sent texts to our parents, and surprisingly, they acquiesced to our requests and allowed my friend to come over. I am not exaggerating when I say it was surreal; with my grandparents gone, my basement felt as empty as a water bottle drained of every last drop. To hear another voice where I usually sit alone, to have a presence amongst the piles of my books – things taken for granted by less sheltered teens, for sure.

Before doing homework, we watched a little bit of The New Normal (which I will definitely write a blog post about). Then, we proceeded to start our piles of school assignments. No drugs, no sex, no weird seances or crazy gambling rings. Just friends, spending time together.

I have been converted.

Later, after she left, my mom attacked me.

“You’re in different clothes in than when you left for school,” she said, more as an accusation than a statement.

I stared at her, wondering whether to be scared or sad.

“You changed before she came, right?” she asked, as if she was stating a fact as opposed to asking a question.

I looked at her. Truthfully, I had changed in the bathroom when my friend had already arrived. But I knew that I had no say, here, so I let it go.

Later on, while I was reading my AP Biology textbook in the basement, she stomped down the stairs and into my bedroom.

“Why are the sheets on this bed changed?” she asked.

My mother specifically told me not to let my friend into the basement. After asking me this, she eyed the environment, searching for signs of estrogen and a teenage love affair.

“There was a spider,” I said, “I had to move the sheets to spray it.”

“Don’t talk back to me,” she snapped.

I almost sighed, but knew that would bring consequences. I stood and thought about how fantastic it would feel to live on a college campus.

“You better not be lying to me, because I will find out,” she implored, looking at the bed as if she could detect dead sperm cells or the scent of lovemaking, “I can’t believe this is what I get for working eight hours a day, a son who spends his time screwing around and doing nothing.”

That went on for quite awhile, in varying volumes. I sincerely hope my neighbors didn’t hear anything.

One of my beautiful and nearly incomprehensible Biology textbooks. Oh, how biochemistry kills me.

The point of this post is not to share how my mom screams at me, or how she assaults me with ignorance every day. Rather, I want to say how funny I find the above event. At the time I almost had a nervous breakdown, but afterward, I had to stifle my laughter to avoid provoking suspicion.

My mom yelled at me because she thought I was having sexual relations with a girl. When I’m gay. It’s even more twisted because I can’t tell her I’m gay because she would abuse me and possibly kick me out. I would love to say “mom, I am utterly disgusted by female reproductive organs”, but that might endanger me. Which sounds horrible, but to me, the irony is pretty humorous.

Right now, I’m swamped in schoolwork and college applications and family problems. But, as cliche as this sounds, there’s no point in pushing myself down. I am lucky – in a year, I’ll hopefully be at some college campus, studying what I love. For now, a solution to all my stress is finding funny things, like how hilarious my mother’s lack of logic is. Or, like how I cannot attend a college information session tomorrow because I’d have to miss an AP class.

Maybe I’m just having a weird Wednesday.

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23 Comments

Filed under Personal

23 responses to “Finding Funny

  1. Alex

    Awww, poor Thomas!
    Conservative Asian parents…enough said….One of my friends is in a similar situation (excluding the being accused of sleeping with someone part) because she’s bi and for obvious reasons is not going to tell her mom who has given numerous lectures on how wrong homosexuality is…
    but yay for being positive! and on the bright side, you might have a “beard” to prevent your mom from finding out?
    Also, the freedom in college is THE BEST. Just one more year!

    • Alex, it’s great to hear from you again! I empathize with your friend entirely. As for a beard, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with pretending to date a female to cover my homosexuality – I actually did date a girl sophomore year, and when my mom found out about that, she was not ecstatic either.

      Ah, I cannot wait for college! I hope your studies are going fabulously. (:

      • Alex

        haha, I’m glad you remember me! I’ve been busy so haven’t been reading as much, but I’m glad I checked your blog again because your posts always make laugh ^-^

        I probably had the same bio book as you (but an older version of course, and now I’m feeling old) and this makes me miss AP bio….

        Dude, I swear, Asian parents aren’t happy with anything you do. You do poorly on something, it’s like…”WAI YOU SUCH A FAIL, CHILD!?!!? YOU SHAME ME!” or when you do well on something, it’s like: “WAI YOU NO DO WELL ON OTHER THINGS TOO?” Okay, that was probably an over-exaggeration, but I think I’ve made my point lol….as for the dating thing, was that before you realized you were gay? I think it took another one of my friends until later in high school to realize that she was bi, and she of course didn’t really tell anyone except for her closest friends because the area she lives in is SUPER SUPER SUPER conservative cuz it’s soooo rural (like there was no diversity at all in that community and I think the only “diversity” her class had was this one Asian girl who had been adopted).

        Have you been working on your college apps then/submitted any?

        • Of course I remember you! WUSTL! I am not surprised you have been busy, thanks for checking in again. (:

          Ah, I’m assuming you enjoyed the course then? They just reformatted the course this year so don’t feel too old.

          I totally agree. While not all Asian parents fit such stereotypes, more than not they can be harsh. Or, if you do something well, they might say “why didn’t you do even better!?” And it was sort of before I realized I was gay… it’s a complicated story I plan to share, but I would never intentionally date someone I had no interest in. That sounds rough for your friend, I’m glad she found some support in such a conservative environment though.

          I have! I feel bad for not being farther than I am, but I am making progress. I finished a few supplements but have a myriad of essays left to write. Can’t wait for second semester! And thanks again for reading and commenting. (:

  2. Laras

    The way your mother acts, I can only empathize with. But I am curious, have you ever been able to understand why it is your mother acts that way? I feel angry for you, due to her ignorance, but I am glad you’ve found some sort of humor in it. I respect you very much, keep going.

    • I’ve thought about it a lot. I think it’s a mix of her emotional instability, the conservative and maybe even slightly abusive way she was raised, and how she perhaps doesn’t know that she doesn’t have to scream and hurt me to get me to listen to her. Years from now when I’m away from her I’ll write a post reflecting on her and how she treats me, but that’s basically what I’ve gathered so far.

      Thank you, I will keep moving forward!

      • Laras

        I see, that makes sense, ‘a victim of her own culture’ as my Literature teacher had said once, though that only accounts to part of the problem doesn’t it?

  3. I had that biology book!!!! Argh! Flashbacks. . .

  4. Sometimes, most of the time, when I read your blog posts, I want to write these beautiful replies–something that will make you stop and stare and breathe deeply, but most of the time I end up reading your blog posts, and stop, stare, and breathe deeply myself. I find myself searching for the perfect words to find that you’ve already written them down, and so I’m left with mostly garbled nonsense and the aching desire to give the world a hug.

    Whatever you are planning on studying in college, I have no doubt in my mind you will be amazingly successful. I am proud to say that I got to know you.

    • It’s okay Roshni, your comments compensate. (: But seriously, to know that I have an intelligent and motivated person like you supporting me is more than enough. Even though we weren’t the closest friends ever at gov school I’m so glad you took some of your time to read this blog! I badly desire to read your writing as well, whether it be a college essay or your future novel if you choose to write one.

      As for college, same to you! Who knows, maybe we’ll end up in the same classroom sometime in the future.

  5. Ah, I know how you exactly feel, but without the girl part. My mom says she is ok with me being gay, but there are some things that she is uncomfortable by me doing. Like she hap no problem if I bring my friends over because she loves them, and there mostly all girls. But the day I bring a boy over she acts very annoying! I used to like this guy and we had a thing going on, and one day we were just lying in my bed, and I was rubbing his tummy and she walks in with a disgusted look on her face like if she bought us have sex. She pulled me aside and said I don’t want him here and tell him to go home. It made me a little sad because I felt like she did not trust me, and I guess I didn’t help my case that much because I was just in my boxer shorts and a T-shirt x) but anyways I just wish that she would have that same trust in me like when my friends come over. I would like for her to know that I’m not going to have sexual relationship with every guy I ever bring over. It’s hard enough to find straight guy friends as it is, with her making them feel unwelcome. So I just learned my lesson, I will never Ever bring over a boy I like and or dating.
    And Thomas I think your fabulous! And I truly wish you happiness mister. I know how you feel and how scared you must be at times if your mother ever finds out your gay. Because truth be told I still am at times to. I fear that one day my mom might change her mind and kick me out or I don’t know just something really bad will happen to me. But keep doing what you do and keep that head up of yours. Because I will only get better, just one more year and we will both be in collage :’D<3 by the way I'm sorry for going on and in mister but I just wanted to know what is it you want to study and become in the future? đŸ™‚

    • Aw, I’m sorry about how your mom doesn’t trust you with your male friends! I also empathize a lot with how you say that you’re scared one day she’ll suddenly change her mind and not be okay with it. It’s tough when you’re not sure whether your own family members will support you or not – I hope that with time her heart will grow warmer toward you and your sexuality.

      Though I must say I see her point with the bedroom thing. As a parent, I wouldn’t want my child in any bed with another person whom they may be sexually attracted to. I still don’t like how she doesn’t support you 100%, but I understand where she’s coming from when it comes to leaving your bedroom door open and keeping your clothes on. (:

      I can’t wait for college! I just finished writing an essay about my blog, it made me so happy. I want to study English, Psychology, and Philosophy – definitely English, though I’ll incorporate the other two somehow. What about you?

      • It’s ok no need to feel bad i know that within time she will see things more differently, and would have to except the fact that I’m growing up and I’m no longer a little boy. And that she does not have to worry about me having sexual relationships with other men because she raised a smart boy who wont even think about have any sexual actives with anyone until i feel likje they are the one. I know it sounds lame and like such a cliche thing to say, but I want to find that one person i know that loves me just as much as i do them c:
        Hahaha, I feel like i should have left out the me being in boxers part out…. x) lol I just like being comfy. But still i should have put on some Pj’s at lest. Haha, and will do I’ll keep my bedroom door open and put some Pj’s on c:
        I can’t wait either! I still dont know if i want to studie in the states or Studie in Germany. I can speak English, Spanish, and German. And in Germany they have this great program for multilingual people. So i will be able to go to school and get payed for translating for companies like “BMW, Volkswagen, Deutsche Bank, and T-mobile.” Oh did i mention they pay for my schooling. So I will studie business management, and communications so i can be a representative for the states and Germany. I think of the program more as a training camp to improve my german and my business skills.
        But I’m still very scared and dont know if i should go though with it. The good thing is that I have a lot of german friends so i wont be that alone.

        • No, I agree (like I do a lot with you) 100% about sex – I’m definitely waiting until I find the one as well. And I understand what you mean with your clothing issue and how certain things feel more comfortable. (:

          Wow, that sounds like a fun and exciting ambition! Foreign relations and international marketing are booming right now, and your motivation to study German and business will guide you along the way. You still have time to decide what route you want to take, I’m sure you’ll find your prime heart and soul after taking a few courses and finding some experience.

  6. Andreas

    Hey, Thomas! Reading your post was totally a funny one. To me, it felt like such a refreshing post. It’s good to have some laugh these days. And yes, I share the same fear of revealing my sexuality to my parents. Although I’m still not sure whether I’m gay or not, somehow, I have this feeling which tells me that I’m gay. Well, it’s good that you might want to take English as your major. I’ve always wanted to take English as my major, but the idea was quickly rejected by my mom due to a simple reason: English major is usually studied by girls, not guys. I was thinking, “yeah, what’s the problem?” But then, all I could do was nothing but obey my parents. Luckily, I decided to take communication and they approved my decision. Anyway, good luck on your schoolwork and college applications. I’m sure that you’ll excel in everything that you do. đŸ˜€ Next year, I’ll also be attending my college. And, I’m so excited!

    Thanks, Thomas for always sharing something fun, thought-provoking and problems we Asians commonly face, especially with our so-called conservative parents. đŸ˜€

    • It’s perfectly fine that you’re not sure of your sexuality yet, it’s not a huge deal either way. Follow your heart and your feelings and you will find out. And aw, my mom feels the same way about English but I’ve somewhat made her more accepting of the idea. It’s great that you’ve found an alternative that also pleases you – woo for college, we’re only a little less than a year away!

      You’re welcome Andreas, and thank you for always reading and commenting with your insights. (:

  7. Sorry to say this my fellow ” afflicted with conservative parents” friend…but it seems that nothing can make your Mom happy.I feel for you. Deep ,heartfelt sympathies from a fellow blogger.

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