This blog turns nine years old in December, wow! Who knew I would transform from a weird, dark-haired, not-yet-aware-of-his-gayness high school student into a weird, red-haired, very queer and femme grad school student? Time sure flies when you spend hours processing and healing from your trauma, breaking the hearts of thirsty men, and over-disclosing about your life on the internet have fun! I will now share some blog and life updates because I love the readers of this blog, all 2.5 of you, and I want to keep you in the loop.
First, I updated my “About Me” page to include a photo of me with my red hair! I got my hair colored red in about November of 2017. I colored my hair for many reasons, one of which includes that as an Asian American man, people have certain expectations of me, such that I conform to valuing achievement and rationality or that I adhere to traditional masculinity. But as anyone who reads this blog knows, I love being weird and emotionally open and vulnerable and outgoing and soft, and I feel like my red hair captures this defiance of traditional Asian American masculinity. I also updated the written content of my “About Me” page and updated my Twitter and Goodreads accounts to include red-haired pictures.
I also updated my “Publications Elsewhere” page to include a link to my Research Gate profile, where I keep a list of my published peer-reviewed academic articles. I have spent the past few years developing my research and scientific skill set, and yet it feels weird to call myself a researcher or a scientist. I hesitate to identify as a scientist because of how we often associate science with valuing intelligence and rationality over feelings and emotions, such as how science often prioritizes “objectivity” and wants its followers to conform to a white male template. Yet, I figure that as long as I “define myself for myself”, as Audre Lorde once wrote, I can do my best to bring a more compassionate, gentle, and social justice-oriented approach to research and science. Like, one of my undergrad research assistants just submitted her first first-authored manuscript to peer-review and the study is about LGBTQ+ Asian Americans negotiating their identities through Kpop. I honestly think we have no choice but to stan.
Finally, I added a PayPal to this blog in case anyone wants to support my writing pursuits! I feel a little gross about including this because I always want to have non-monetized hobbies in my life, which I recognize is a privilege. However, just in case an affluent white man stumbles upon this blog and wants to rechannel his funds from his property on Martha’s Vineyard to my bank account, I want to include the link. At the same time, I recognize that most of the readers of this blog, all 2.5 of you, most likely hold marginalized social identities so I really have no expectation for anyone to send me money aside from the multiple men who’ve taken advantage of my emotional labor and also people who unironically stan Charlie Puth.
How do you all stay true to your values in workplaces or an overall society that tries to make you conform? How do you feel about this blog’s survival, other than tired of my weirdness because I’m already distinctly aware of that emotion? If you’re reading this, I hope you’re well, and I’ll catch you next time.