It’s Weird!

I waited over a month to email the news to my two past long-term therapists. When I said bye to C in June 2022, I had already planned when I’d reach out to both her and L again. It’s perfectly reasonable to email your two therapists who saw you for multiple years when you get your tenure-track job, I thought to myself. It’s just a casual update so they know how you’re doing and so they can hear the good news.

I reached out to C and L with the update in February, a month after I secured my academic and clinical positions.

Real but Not True

Have you ever wanted to believe a lie so much that it hurts, even when you knew it to be untrue? About a month ago, while ranting to my therapist about my most recent crush – did he ever like me, did he ever mean what he wrote to me – she told me that maybe his words were real, but not true. At the time, I nodded and went along with it, but I thought to myself, okay, what the heck does that actually mean, just tell me if he liked me even if it’s like, clearly impossible for you to do that.

Over the past week, I did more research about real but not true, an idea coined by Buddhist teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche. The phrase captures how sometimes when we encounter powerful or challenging feelings, we often experience these very real emotions and thoughts, even though the conclusions we draw from those emotions and thoughts are not true. An example Rinpoche often uses includes crossing a high glass bridge in Malaysia, how even though the fear and anxiety he felt was real, once he honored those emotions, he recognized the truth, that he could indeed cross the bridge safely.

Tsoknyi Rinpoche, the icon who coined real but not true. We had to stan. Image via tsoknyirinpoche.org

Because two of my hobbies include relentless introspection and over disclosing that introspection on the internet, I wanted to write about three instances of real but not true in my own life. The first instance that comes to mind includes my experience with anorexia.

Feel Your Feelings

On Wednesday, I felt unwanted.

Today, it took me an hour to write the first sentence – that sentence, about Wednesday – of an emotional, super personal, and rather melodramatic blog post.

Homophobia: Hypocrisy Optional

Here’s something you wouldn’t hear on the street without a few heads turning: I’m not racist, I just don’t think black people deserve to get married! Lately I’ve encountered several statements from various individuals – ranging from online posts to acquaintances in real life – that have offended me in a way akin to the example above. Here’s the definition of homophobia, in case anyone has forgotten.

Antipathy (noun): A deep-seated feeling of dislike; aversion. Example: I have an antipathy toward Calculus and cat-haters.

At least people who recognize their resentment toward homosexuals don’t deny their beliefs. Others, however, adopt a “holier than thou” attitude under the pretense that they actually accept gay people… for the most part. Allow me to share a few examples.

Don’t Let Me Go by J.H. Trumble

Cover via Goodreads.

Rating: 3/5 stars.

I really wanted to love this book. I moved heaven and earth to find it. Well, not really – I searched all of my local libraries, and the nearby bookstores. I couldn’t buy it on Amazon in case my mom got to it before I did. I resorted to ordering it through Barnes & Noble, and I’m still not sure why Don’t Let Me Go was so difficult to obtain.

It’s like gay chick-lit, but better. The story revolves around Nate Schaper, a high school senior who has already found his soul mate. Nate and Adam are inseparable, bonded by true love that has survived huge amounts of homophobia – even a heinous hate crime. But when Adam graduates and gets an acting job in New York, their relationship is put to the ultimate test.

Chick-fil-A, and A Million Little Paper Cuts

The night before I left for my cruise, I briefly checked the internet. I did it for a friend. Then, I saw this.

Chick-fil-A lost a lot of respect points on August 1. Actually, no. They lost all of them. Image via dailykos.com

Like I’ve said before, I dislike anger. Like every emotion, it has its pros and its cons, its uses and its pitfalls. But anger, because of my life experiences, I have come to abhor.

Chick-fil-A made me so angry. For a good hour, I sat in my hotel room and tried to tame the typhoon of rage roaring inside my head – but to no avail. So, on the night of August 1, 2012, I wrote this.

Teenagers in High School – What I’m Really Tired Of

Guys, I’m tired.

I’ve been getting five to six hours of sleep for the past two weeks, constantly studying and completing homework assignments for school, and dealing with family drama on top of all of that. I’m not saying that I have the worst life ever. I’m not saying that there aren’t people who have it a hundred times worse than me. And I’m not saying that, overall, my life is bad – because it’s not. It’s pretty great.

All I’m saying is that I’m tired.

But the thing is, in high school, almost everyone is tired.