High Heels, Blond Highlights, and Eighteenth Birthdays

By the time I was ten, I wanted to dye my hair blond. At 12, I wrote in a journal that I was going to run away. Around the age of 14 I fought for people – but most importantly, myself – to accept me irrespective of my sexuality. 16 marks the period in which I discovered my purpose, to make a change. In one way or another I’ve done all of these things, through various proxies like bleach on a best friend’s toothbrush or a personal blog I’ve come to call home. Now the question remains: what is 18?

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Publicizing Unintentionally… Awkward

Last week I accidentally publicized my post about Key recommending Nicki Minaj’s album on Facebook. I didn’t realize it until three days later, and by that time everyone probably saw how I fan boy Key all the time. Not something I wanted my peers to see. Then again, I am posting this on a public blog that is available for everyone to view online. And I might as well accept the fact that I’m an obsessed individual with no life a unique guy with unusual, interesting tastes.

This introduces an introspective dilemma. Why should I be ashamed of my tastes? Who cares if I blog about pop and books and Key and whatever else happens to interest me? Probably no one, but that’s besides the point. I suppose I’m a bit shy when it comes to what people know and don’t know about me, and it makes me uncomfortable for people (especially people who I know in real life, strangely) to lurk on my blog without commenting. Or maybe I’m just a tad insecure – who knows what people think of me after reading this blog? I imagine them being like…

1. “oh, look at Thomas! he reads books! hahahahaha”

2. “LOL, he listens to kpop. and he’s not korean! hahahahahaha”

3. “KEY IS MINE NOT HIS MUST KILL MUST KILLLL”

4. “i spot a grammar mistake! i can’t believe thomas doesn’t know how to write english! and to think he reads in a corner all the time…”

My self-deprecating side just got a kick out of that. I actually don’t mind #1 and #2, but #3 and #4 concern me. #3 because I fear for my life, and #4 because I always believed I could write at least decently. I hope so…

Anyway, this post doesn’t really make any sense because I started with publicizing accidentally and then merged into insecurities over the internet… oh well! I have a copious amount of homework to do, so thanks for wasting your time reading this and have a great day (:

May Key be with you.

PS: By the way, today is the birthday of one of my best friends! Happy birthday best friend! You can visit her curry-based blog here.