Back to Black

I decided to color my hair red during my first year of graduate school in 2017. I had attended a conference about Asian American psychology that October. Some graduate students and I had been standing in line for a dinner banquet, taking turns introducing ourselves by sharing our names and home institutions. When I shared mine, a fellow gaysian grad student looked at me and said “oh, you’re a *insert name of program stated in an elevated and slightly incredulous voice* student,” eyebrows raised.

I imagine that gaysian said that to me because my grad program has a bit of a prestigious (code for: elitist) reputation in my field.

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Being Smart, Priority #69

Sometimes I try to avoid coming off as a smart or intelligent person. For example, I am in a top-ranked Psychology PhD program, but I detest talking about my research or my academics with my closest friends. A few months ago, I realized that I had published some articles in top Psychology peer-reviewed journals like Psychology of Addictive Behaviors and Appetite and felt gross about it, to the point where I posted a dramatic Facebook status asking if researchers can indeed have hearts. When one of my friends entering a Psychology PhD program in the fall praised me on the phone the other day for being super smart, I felt a sliver of my soul shrivel up and ascend into the afterlife, aka, a land with unlimited Jeni’s ice cream and books and upbeat pop music.

After reflecting on it, I realize I dislike associating myself with intelligence because of all the emotionally undeveloped and/or cruel smart people I know.

Gay Men Will Not Make You Friends

I have posted about the fallacy of the gay best friend before, but since then I discovered this article from the Huffington Post, so I want to remind everyone: gay men do not make good friends.

Let me backtrack. Gay men may make good friends. But this article – which I read as a parody at first because of its awfulness – assumes that all gay men share ten key characteristics.

Why Gender Roles Start in the Womb

My friends and I prepared a baby shower this summer. Planning the event involved a lot of frantic Facebook messaging and late-night Google Doc editing, as well as coming up with creative game ideas, such as “Pin the Sperm on the Egg.” We also spent a decent amount of time shopping for baby-related things, which led us to several gender-stereotypical items. Encountering these signals from society made me realize that gender roles really do start from within the womb – or at least they begin early enough to affect children from the beginning of their existences.

Clothing from the girls’ section: a pink, cute-looking cupcake. Clothing from the boys’ section: the words “Future Legend” and baseballs. Anyone discern a difference in tone?

Studies show that children detect gender differences by the age of three

Why You Shouldn’t Hate Straight White Men

“I’m scared to talk about what’s bothering me,” he said.

“I’m scared to walk back to the dorm at night alone,” she said.

A few months ago, I locked myself in my college’s library to study for final exams. While procrastinating focusing on Social Psychology, I overheard a conversation between a boy and a girl studying in the cubicles to my right.

He shuffled some of his books around. “It’s not a big deal anyway. Every time I try to talk about it with her, I feel weird-,”

“Yeah, well, you should see me every time I go out.” She sighed, either from the stress of finals or the minutiae of her friend’s problem. “If you think you have it bad, try imagining every guy in the room thinking you want it just because you’re wearing a short dress.”

The aspiring therapist inside of me wanted to reach out and console both of them about their issues, but instead, I shook my head, turned up my music, and saved their conversation as material for a future blog post.

Does anyone see how this post actually contributes to equality? Because I don’t.

I identify as male, so I will not pretend to know what it feels like to be catcalled, paid less for equal performance, or judged just based on my appearance.

Bisexuality, Common Sense, and Cute Bisexual Dolphins

Here’s the bad news: there’s been some serious biphobia stirring in the gay community. Let me repeat, the gay community. Not like it’s okay for straight people to hate bisexuals, but I find it ironic that those who suffer prejudice due to their sexualities would perpetuate the cycle further. It’s similar to how I find it strange when black people condemn homosexuality using biblical arguments, when those same arguments kept them from getting married (and kept them enslaved) not too many years ago.

Dan Savage, a leader in the gay community, cast doubt on the authenticity of those who declare themselves bisexual. Glee, a popular musical comedy well-known for its support of gay rights, sends negative messages regarding bisexuality on several occasions. No one is perfect and even those who preach tolerance make mistakes, but if these paragons of acceptance diss bisexuality, who knows how many people will follow in their footsteps?

Let me tell you a secret.

Men in Miniskirts: A Satire

A few afternoons ago I was about to check my email when I saw this page. The first thing I noticed was the mention of male pixies, which always interest me. Then, I saw it.

My eyes! They burn!

As someone who regularly wears mismatched sweatshirts, skinny jeans, sweatpants, and sandals, I really don’t know much about fashion. But this, this was definitely wrong. When I laid my eyes on it, I couldn’t explain why – I couldn’t even really formulate a logical thought – but I knew it deep down. Deep down, in my intolerant, unaccepting, horribly superior mind, I knew that this was absolutely sickening.

Flamingly Feminine and Unapologetically Gay

I hold the phone with my right hand, and grasp the cool, smooth surface of the bathroom sink with my left.

“They said what?” I whisper.

“She said you’re the gayest guy in our grade,” my friend says, “he just agreed – he didn’t say anything.”

“What?” I say, even though I heard her clearly. I just don’t want to believe it.

“It was on the back of the bus,” she says, “I sat there and listened to them.”

“Oh,” I say. As a fourteen-year-old, I don’t want my friend to think I care about what my classmates think about me. But curiosity quickly kills my desire to play it cool.

How to Handle a Gay Roommate

A couple of weeks ago, I saw quite a few tweets like this one:

I would screenshot an actual tweet I saw, but I feel like that might be a little overboard, even if I did blur the person’s name. Hopefully no one thinks I’m homophobic…

I can see why someone would fear having a gay roommate. He might be scared of being checked out or that his roommate may come on to him. He could be afraid that his roommate will let his lust loose at night and attack him while he’s sleeping. I understand all of the stereotypical reasons why someone would be scared of a gay roommate.

Allow me to offer reassurance.

The Gay Best Friend Theory

For the millionth time, I detest writing about gay people. As Just Josh touches upon in this post, homosexuality should not be (and, it isn’t) such a big deal.

Yet, I love educating and enlightening people. The purpose of this post will be to clear up some of the misconceptions concerning what I like to call, the Gay Best Friend Theory. Clearly this theory doesn’t apply to me, as I’m gay, but I have no friends, so…

Unlike me, Chris Colfer is gay and has lots of fans and followers. He even published a book! A man of many talents. Image via timeinc.net.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve heard someone on TV or someone in your school say something along the lines of “Oh my gosh, I need a gay best friend” or “Ugh, girls are so stupid, I wish I had a gay best friend.” There’s an idea in pop culture and in contemporary society that straight girls just need a (stereotypically male) gay best friend. Heck, Teen Vogue told its readers that “GBFs” are the new hottest accessory.

I like to logically think about things before I tear them apart.