Life Isn’t Fair… But You Can Be

I’m not the kind of guy to get involved in high school drama. However, today, it happened. I won’t go into detail, though you can combine Glee (without the music) and Gossip Girl (without the attractive men) and you’re pretty much there.

Also, I ended up crying in a bathroom stall.

But this post isn’t about high school drama. Because that stuff is boring and brainless and I actually would feel guilty for going in-depth about it when there are people like this guy out there. This post is about something I learned in school today.

At least I wasn't crying over a failed math quiz this time...

I used to think that being a nice guy protected me. Not in a “I’m going to use fake niceness as a shield so I won’t get hurt”, but I always believed that because of my kindness, and because of my truthfulness, I would receive that type of treatment in return. After all, isn’t that how karma works? The good guy always gets the girl and the rewards and the respect, while the bad guy goes to cry in a corner without any friends sort of like me.

But that’s not how life works. Bad things happen to good people. Gay kids don’t choose to commit suicide because of something they’ve done wrong, it’s the people who are intolerant and unaccepting of them that cause their decision. The Jews weren’t massacred because they themselves made a mistake, they were exterminated because of Hitler’s horribly extreme racism and violence. In The Grapes of Wrath, the Joads don’t leave their land because they want to, they leave their land because of the changing environment, something completely out of their control.

Maybe that’s why I was so upset today. When I was in that stall, using toilet paper to collect my tears, I thought to myself “Why me? I haven’t done anything wrong. Why is this happening to me?” Afterward, I even wrote a teenage-angst-filled poem, complete with melodramatic pathos and maudlin phrasing. I felt like Heathcliff, minus the hotness.

And here is the infamous poem... purposely tiny and flipped so no one can read it.

About an hour later, I experienced an epiphany.

The world is generally good. People do possess compassion and kindness and the ability to care. However, there are people who will do malicious, mean things, just because they can – and they will get away with it. And there will be other people who will always do the right thing, and then get caught by a circumstance outside of their control – and suffer, even when they shouldn’t.

And my epiphany was this: Being the bigger person isn’t easy. Doing the right thing can be (excuse my language) damn hard – especially when you do the right thing, and life still decides to screw you over. But you know what? Life isn’t fair. It never is, and it never will be. But it’s up to you (and in my case, me) to be the better person and to stick to your values. If I do the right thing, and others still oppose that, then that’s too bad. At least I’ll be able to sleep that night. If I fight for my beliefs, and lose something else in the process, then oh well. At least I’ll be able to say I stayed true to myself.

Atticus Finch – my number one inspiration, right next to Harper Lee – defended Tom Robinson despite how the entire town of Maycomb believed him to be guilty. He stood up for what was right, and even though he didn’t win the court case, he was able to walk away knowing that he had tried his hardest to be the bigger person. And in that regard, he succeeded.

Yeah... sorry for being late in responding to comments and messages. After this weekend I will have more free time. Thank you for all of your kindness!

Thoughts? Anyone have any similar experiences? Sorry for this post’s disorganization and spur-of-the-moment writing style, I had no intention of writing this until after I got home today. Now I have to start my homework… with less than four hours until midnight… wish me luck!


Filed under Personal

26 responses to “Life Isn’t Fair… But You Can Be

  1. Cara

    *insert thunderous applause* What a great post Thomas! It’s so true and I’m so glad you said it. You can try to make life fair even if it isn’t fair to you. I actually say this a lot to people. And I believe you are right; there is a lot of good people it’s just they aren’t always around.
    Sorry you had such a crappy day. I hope things look better tomorrow. Good luck on the homework!

    • Thanks Cara! Things have been getting better steadily, and you’re right, sometimes I just need to remember that there are so many good people out there despite how prevalent the bad ones seem. Thanks for reading and commenting as always!

  2. D: -hugs you- Whatever happened to you must have been pretty harsh, my goodness… I like the message here, though, because it really is true. You really set an excellent example and I completely agree with this. This reminds me of how my mom is always saying, you know, “Life’s not fair, you’re unrealistic and you need to stop doing things your way and see what reality is”.

    That reminds me, actually, of how I was at my homeopath yesterday (they’re sort of like people you tell your problems to and then they can give you homeopathic remedies to help you… like a combination of a dietician, psychologist and psychiatrist, I guess. I don’t really know how to explain it…) but anyway, she was very wise with how she explained to her mother about how the younger generations, even though we may be a generation of people who do things differently than our parents and we’re saddled with so much pressure, that of course, we’re the key to the future and making the world new and better for people. We can’t live by the old rules that we were told but make our own. See, we need to be innovative and the way we treat people needs to change, starting with what you say here in your post. We need to make things the way we would like them to be, even if it’s just one person, that one person can create change.

    Wow that paragraph was long… But anyway, don’t you have HSPAs? 😐 Why on earth are you doing homework? (granted I was going to get a head start on my history, but that didn’t happen because I caught wind of SHINee’s teaser pictures for their comeback so I was flipping out on twitter about it lol). Well I’m glad you’re doing well in school. 😀 I for one have to get my butt of tumblr and twitter, but mostly tumblr (I said I wasn’t going to make one but I did… ugh…………….)

    • I agree with what your mom said and what your homeopath said! I suppose a lot of people do see the younger generation as slightly lazy or too obsessed or technology or whatever, but in the end, we are going to be the ones in charge and making the decisions. So, you’re right, every person can contribute and every person possesses the power to cause change, even if it is only a small one at first.

      I’m… not sure what HSPAs are, ha ha. I suppose they’re some type of break? I’m glad you get time off though, and about Tumblr – I’ve succeeded in resisting getting one of those, as I’m already a member of a myriad of social networking sites, and your addiction proves that my decision was the right one. (; I bet you’ve been pretty excited with the SHINee comeback teasers…

  3. Esther Yoon


    Remember that you are loved.


  4. Yes life sucks and twice as much for the good guys but you get to decide to be the person that you are and what you can be. There are bad people out there but it’s a comfort that good ones are still there somewhere. I can’t express how much I’ve always admired you for sticking up for what you believe in despite the hardships that you’ve faced all this time and that you still don’t give up even now.
    Thank you for taking time for writing about this I know how it feels (but you probably have felt worse) and it’s hard to get up and shake off the dust but once you do you know you’re going to be alright as long as you stay true to you and remain being the nice guy you are.
    Best of luck to you, my friend, with whatever life throws in your way, just make sure you hit back a hell lot harder 🙂

    • I will hit it back harder, Devina! It is difficult to stand back up after being knocked down but I think every time someone is able to do so they only get stronger… hence the saying, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Either way, I don’t think I could stop being a nice guy even if I tried. (:

      Thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment! I hope everything has been going well for you.

  5. You’re right. It’s not always easy, but at the end of the day, we can look in the mirror and not feel shame at what we’ve done.

    Good post. Hope you got your homework done!

  6. o.0 the same exact thing happened to me (sort of), this past week, and I ended up crying in a bathroom stall. then I cried afterwards in a piano practice room for thirty minutes.. ugh I totally understand the ‘why me?’ feelings. These junctures in life really make one reevaluate what we are doing, and hopefully we both come out the better (:


    • Michelle, it must be fate! As the saying goes, beautiful people are never born beautiful – they must become that way by rising above their struggles, which is what I think we are doing now. I have hope that we will both come out better! Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Reblogged this on A Regular Pakistani Teenager's space and commented:
    Story of my life !!

  8. I always say the same. It’s very hard to be good and very easy to be bad!

    I am going through the same as you, have gone through the same all my life. Though I have faced a lot of bad, i have seen that life gives you the sweetest lemonade when it’s time! Just keep being good and give life your best and life will, in the end, make you the better being 🙂

    Lot’s of luck!!!

    • Exactly! As long as we abide by our own moral codes and ethics, then we will be able to be the bigger person no matter what life throws at us. Thanks for reading and commenting, and good luck to you too. (:

  9. I wish I could be as positive like you 🙂

  10. Jeneve

    I am having the same problem but its with friends, it turned out they werent true friends. And everyone tried to warn me about them and I never listened. And now a girl who was supposed to be my bestfriend tried to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend by liein to him and i havent talked to her ever since because of it. And now none of my ” friends are talking to me, they are now talking a out me. And I have just decided to distance myself from them, and pick up my grades which I am slowly succeeding. And this one girl who went through the same problem is now good friends with me and she can relate to me. And well my ” ex friends ” are now tweeting about me. And im not dumb i know they are about me and my friend. And i just ignore it, and i unfollowed her so that even if she was talking stuff about me I wouldnt have to see it. And she texted my parents and told them I was talking about her … which I wasnt. I havent talked about her to anyone except my boyfriend. But she had accused me of tweeting about her in which I wasnt. And she just doesnt stop. And i dont know what to do anymore cause now i am getting in trouble at home.

    • Jeneve, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I highly recommend that you tell your parents what you just wrote or someone at school, whether it’s a teacher or a counselor – if they’re falsely accusing you of things you shouldn’t try to defend yourself without any help from an adult. If your relationship with your ex-friend isn’t working out and she’s harassing you, it wouldn’t be good to wait until she takes it too far and one of you ends up really hurt. Keep me updated on how things work out, and good luck.

  11. Karen

    Stay the way you are. Never let people change you. Hold you head high. 💖

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