Here’s the bad news: there’s been some serious biphobia stirring in the gay community. Let me repeat, the gay community. Not like it’s okay for straight people to hate bisexuals, but I find it ironic that those who suffer prejudice due to their sexualities would perpetuate the cycle further. It’s similar to how I find it strange when black people condemn homosexuality using biblical arguments, when those same arguments kept them from getting married (and kept them enslaved) not too many years ago.
Dan Savage, a leader in the gay community, cast doubt on the authenticity of those who declare themselves bisexual. Glee, a popular musical comedy well-known for its support of gay rights, sends negative messages regarding bisexuality on several occasions. No one is perfect and even those who preach tolerance make mistakes, but if these paragons of acceptance diss bisexuality, who knows how many people will follow in their footsteps?
Let me tell you a secret. When I first came out to my select group of friends, I came out as bisexual.
“Lies!” you scream. Well, now, yes. I’m definitely gay. But a few years ago, maybe not, at least to me. Here was my reasoning, even if I wasn’t aware of it: it was better to be halfway gay than all the way gay, I wasn’t entirely sure of myself because straight was (and is) the predominant sexuality in society, and being able to say that I still liked girls gave me a shoddy form of protection. Bisexuality provided me with a shield to block all the hate of my more homophobic peers and my completely homophobic mother while allowing me to admit that I liked guys.
Turns out I was wrong. I’m gay. And, trust me, I’m not the type of person who likes to wear his sexuality on his sleeve; I’m not ashamed of it, I just think it’s better for people to know me as the book-obsessed Asian who freaks out over A-‘s. That way my peers will falsely assume I’m smart, and I’ll get Barnes & Noble gift cards.
Like my current grade in AP Biology, sexuality remains a fluid concept. Some people are straight, some people are homosexual, some people are demisexual, etc. Yes, some people can be confused about their sexualities, and sure, there may be others out there who identify as bisexual just because they don’t know that they’re gay or straight yet. But that doesn’t change this simple fact. There are living, breathing, bisexual people out there. There are teens who are bisexual. Adults who are bisexual. Dolphins who are bisexual. Okay, I’m not sure about that last one, but I think it would be kind of cool.
Bisexuality is not a big deal. Sexuality is not a big deal, period. I apologize for inserting ubiquitous aphorism #228, but the amount of people who can’t process it scares me more than the thought of being alone for the rest of my life frightens me. Just because someone is bisexual does not mean he or she is more likely to cheat in a relationship. Just because someone is bisexual does not mean that he or she wants attention from everyone and wants everyone to love him or her. Just because someone is bisexual does not mean he or she is in denial and will go on to live a life of unproductive indecision. Being bisexual means that someone finds him or herself physically and romantically attracted to both males and females. That’s it.
Now that you’ve received your daily dose of common sense, here’s a picture of a dolphin. Maybe it’s bisexual, maybe it’s not? Who cares?
Flamingos are still my favorite, but who can resist these cuties? Image via scrapetv.com.
Remember how I started this post with the bad news? I have good news too, though it’s more personal and I’ll have to wait to share it until around April 1. If you want to get an early glimpse you can check out my tumblr, but either way expect an ecstatic post from me in a few weeks. Hope you all have a pulchritudinous weekend!
the quiet voice 
Nice post!
Thank you!
Preach.
I remember when I told my mom I was bisexual and I had to spend a good number of minutes explaining before she could start to wrap her head around the concept. As in, she had no idea what bisexuality was to begin with.
And I agree with you about the Glee thing. As much as I enjoyed watching Rachel get showed up, it would’ve been much better if Blaine further explored his other feelings. Stupid Kurt.
But yeah you’re awesome.
That’s disappointing, though not too surprising considering the culture she comes from. It’s good that you’re explaining it to her though – hopefully our generation will give way to a more accepting group of individuals.
Ditto on glee, and thank you!
Great post! People can be so weird. But the poor little bisexual dolphin in a swimming pool makes me sad. Hopefully it was only there following rescue from certain death and was released into the sea the next day, to frolic once more with its non-judgmental dolphin friends.
Thank you! And yes, I hope that that adorable little dolphin is frolicking with its friends, basking in the glory of non-judgmental greatness…
There is a heightened sense of betrayal when the beloved turns to a lover of the opposite sex. Turning to another woman is less painful.
I am not saying that justifies hostility to bisexuals in the gay community, I am saying it is there.
Although I’m curious as to why this “heightened sense of betrayal” exists, I’m glad that you are aware that it does not justify any type of hostility toward bisexuals at all. Thank you for reading and commenting!
Wise words again, Thomas.
Thank you, Ruth!
I’ve noticed that judgment of bisexuality from both straight and gay friends, and I really don’t get it. There seems to be a sense that it’s wishy-washy or something, a stop on the way to Gaytown, which sometimes it is, sure, but there are also people who are attracted to both men and women. How is this in any way offensive to anyone?
Lovely post!
Exactly – live and let live, there’s not much more to it than that, in terms of how people should treat one another. Thank you Christina!
Thanks for this post, you make a lot of good points. I’ve always disliked the word ‘bisexual’ because of all the negative connotations associated with it, as it does seem to be synonymous with ‘indecisive attention seeker’. I haven’t been able to come up with a better alternative though! Why do people seem to think it’s not a real thing? Why is it viewed as a threat? There is certainly a lot of pressure to ‘pick a side’.
Yeah, I think people complicate the issue much more than is necessary – bisexual people are simply attracted to both genders and that’s it. Anything more would be specific to the actual individual involved, not all of those who share the sexuality as a whole. It is bothersome how people feel pressured to pick a side, when really we should all just strive to love and let live!
Amen 🙂
I totally get the coming out as bisexual thing. I think there is a lot of that around. I know people who don’t think bisexuality is even real which I find odd. I like rock and dance music. Who says we should have to make a singular choice (If you fan even describe it as a choice.)I guess at he end of the day you can’t choose who you fall in love with.
Great choice, if you’re saying that your affection for those types of music come naturally to you and aren’t simple choices you can take back in an instant. I agree – at the end of the day, you fall in love with who you fall in love with, and that’s, on a basic level, all there is to it.
I totally have to agree with you there. It’s like when people come out as gay suddenly people expect them to like everybody of that sex. It’s annoying frankly. If people are straight they don’t immediately jump somebody of the opposite sex, so why should those conventions apply to somebody of a different sexuality?!
Definite great post here! 🙂
Exactly! I’m pretty sure straight people aren’t attracted to every single individual of the opposite gender, so that same rule should be applied to gays and bisexuals. Thank you for reading and commenting Livvy!
I am not against bisexuals. I do know what anybody who’s not straight would go through. But as you said, people who say they are bisexuals are in the company of (half-)closeted gay people. Would I take the risk? No. I wouldn’t reject somebody based on what they say about their sexuality. But I wouldn’t prefer to associate myself with bisexuals based on good practical reasons. They can cop out always and sincerely be happy with the opposite sex. Having gone through a heartburn once, I wouldn’t take the risk again. I have died once; not many people survive multiple cardiac arrests.
I would consider going out with a bisexual only if he introduces me to all his near and dear ones. I need this or some other definite proof to know a man can walk the talk.
But you can’t generalize and say that all bisexuals, or even a majority of bisexuals are half-closeted gay people. And I don’t think it would be “copping out” either. Let’s say I’m dating another guy and we’re both homosexual. If he leaves me for another guy, he’s still leaving me and my heart will still be broken, irrespective of if he leaves me for a guy or a girl. In the end rejection is a universal theme encompassing all relationships no matter what the sexualities of those involved.
But, of course, we can agree to disagree. I think your last paragraph in which you say you would need proof that “a man can walk the talk” should be applied to all sexualities/individuals – I don’t think anyone wants to get romantically involved with someone who isn’t trustworthy, compassionate, etc.!
Well, then we agree to disagree.The risk is just not worth it, in my opinion. But I am also the kind of person who is averse to new relations unless they do mean something. So…
I see. I just don’t think there’s a higher risk of having a relationship with a bisexual than any other sexuality. I also think that having a relationship with a bisexual can mean something – it all depends on the person, not the sexuality. Ditto on agree to disagree though!
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Reblogged this on Queer Landia and commented:
A great blog on a much under-covered topic.
Thank you so much for the reblog, Mike!
Unfortunately the LGBT community has a it’s share of prejudice. Bisexuality is frequently dissed by those who don’t understand or by those who, like you first came out as bisexual, then later identified as gay. I make it a point to respect an individual’s right to define themselves and not to superimpose my biases onto their identity. In addition to the prejudice and misunderstanding around bisexuality there are other biases that annoy me. My personal concern lately is the prejudice faced by effeminate gay men. It sickens me to here things like “I only date real men” or “you’re giving us a bad name” said to effeminate or “stereotypical” guys. I chose to call myself queer because I don’t fit into the other boxes well. I look like a bear, but call myself a fairy and I identify with those who feel left out. In truth I am more of a mama bear. This community should be big enough to embrace diversity within our ranks. We are all in this together and shouldn’t ask for others to have our backs it should come with the labels – but it doesn’t.
I wrote a blog post about the prejudice against effeminate gay men – it really is hypocritical. I agree with you 100%, because there’s enough hate in this world already and we don’t need to create more of it by turning against each other. Irrespective of sexual preference, masculine or feminine behavior, hair color, weight, etc. we should treat each other with respect. It’s unfortunate that some are so quick to discriminate, I hope that will change some day soon.
yes, there is such a thing as bisexual – I think that probably most people are basically ‘bi’ and could go either way, but they either have preferences, or they are just afraid to act on their feelings – and a person’s sexuality can be ‘fluid’ – that is, changing from time to time – if you believe the Kinsey studies, (and I do) there are people on either extreme, but most people are someplace in the middle, as in various shades of gray – there are others, perhaps many, who are attracted to anyone and everyone – so whatever you think or feel, there are many others who think and feel that way too
Intriguing thoughts, even if I don’t 100% agree with them. But I do think you’re right that there are many people out there who have preferences and are afraid of acting on their feelings. Either way everyone should be treated with respect and compassion. Thank you for reading and commenting!
Exactly how I feel about the conflict between bronies and cloppers. “Oh, we’ve united against all the hate and emerged as one of the most accepting groups. Everyone is fine except for that one group of people that I don’t agree with. Let’s discriminate just them.” Discriminating becomes a habit. There will never be only two groups.
I hadn’t thought of making this comparison before, you make a good point – my roommate is a brony, perhaps I will raise this idea with him. Thank you for reading and commenting!